Dear God, Thank you for my health, my family, and processed meat..

Two words. Pork Roll.  If you have never had it, you are seriously deprived and I feel all sorts of sorry for your ass.  Pork Roll, in all it's drool-invoking glory, is probably the only meat that keeps me from being able to claim myself a vegetarian.  Well, that and bacon, of course.  It is pure deliciousness and I have a serious hankering for it.  Yes, I just said hankering.  And no, I am not 75.

In case you've never indulged, let me school you.  It is a Jersey thing to the best of my knowledge and I'm fairly certain you can't find it anywhere else {Why? WHHHHHHY?}, at least not in these here parts I now call home.  Shame. In NJ, you can visit any diner, bagel place, food truck, or deli and order yourself up some pork roll or, as it's also known- Taylor ham.  The two are synonymous.  I grew up calling it pork roll.  I suppose it's one of those genericide thingys...Kleenex is to Tissue as Taylor Ham is to pork roll.  Any way you call it, it is fricking amazing.

It's a diverse little meat and can be eaten in a slew of ways, much like Spam I suppose, which ironically makes me gag.  I'm fairly certain the ingredient lists are probably scarily similar.  Please do not enlighten me if they indeed are. I would like my love affair with pork roll and my disdain for Spam to remain as is.  Thankyouverymuch.  My favorite way to order it up? Pork roll, egg, and cheese on a scooped out everything bagel or round roll with saltpepperketchup.  Oh yeah, baby.  At home I've been known to fry some up and eat it on white bread with mustard and lettuce. Who are you calling Whiskey Tango? Psshht. 

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I would not be lying if I told you that I have a pork roll, egg, and cheese ornament for my Christmas tree, that I knew a Rottweiler officially named Taylor Ham, Egg & Cheese, and that those three words were bestowed upon the three embryos that were implanted in my ute during my last IVF.  Yup.  True Life.  I'd like to think that Elena was Taylor Ham.