Lunch Date

This doll face was my lunch date today. 

I had some running around to do and figured since it was so beautiful out, I'd hit up Easton, which is this fabulous little outside mall here in Columbus.  I got caught up at one store and didn't realize how late it had gotten.  It was lunch time. 

Elena likes to smack her mouth together to let me know she's hungry. Sort of like a cow chewing cud.  #girlfriendputstheassinclass

I knew she'd never make it the 20 minute drive home and I was starving, too.  So I decided on a little impromptu lunch date. Now what happens next might not seem like any big thang, but if you have ever shared a meal with a toddler in a restaurant, you can appreciate.  I shall also throw in that I have NEVER in 34 years on this planet gone to a restaurant alone to eat {by alone, I mean without another individual that could order for themselves}.  I have also never taken Elena to a restaurant solo.  I was skeered. 

Cheesecake Factory was nearby and I figured a loud, crowded place was a good choice.  I'm lying.  I really wanted the BLT salad.  It wasn't packed so luckily we were seated right away.  I had some snacks on hand for Elena so she was a happy camper once I got her settled in the high chair with some grub. 

I'm forgetting to add that I am a total social-phobe and would never do anything like this normally.  I have found myself really stepping out of my comfort zone with this move.  I also think that now that I'm responsible for someone else, I'm making a conscious effort to lessen my crazy so it doesn't rub off on Elena. 

Surprisingly, my little love even let me eat.  She was too preoccupied with her own lunch and waving bye bye to every person that walked past.  Until I got my cheesecake.  She was totally eyeballing it.  Just look at her.

Then raspberries started going overboard. Check, please!  Had the rest of my lunch boxed and took my cheesecake to go.  It made for a lovely dinner dessert.  All in all, it was a lot easier than I thought.  Certainly a lot easier than trying to pee with a baby in a public restroom when you don't have an extra set of hands or a stroller.  #poppingasquatwithakidonmylap

When in Rome, right?

Oh, Monday.

Mondays are not my best day.  I am coming down off of the high from my drug of choice.  Also known as- The Weekend.

Today was just one of those Mondays.  I couldn't get my shit together.  My patience ran thin.  I was not productive or effective even in the few things I did accomplish.  Mom fails left, right, and center. 

Paul leaving for Cleveland did not help my Monday. Or the fact that Elena smells my weakness  in his absence and feeds off of it. I have underestimated her craft at this.  She absolutely knows when he is gone. Paul must think I'm crazy b/c I'm always telling him all the things she does when he is not here that she NEVER does when he's here.  It's a good thing she's so effing cute. 

Laughing at me while throwing her lunch on the floor. 

With 30 minutes to spare on this Monday, I'm feeling a little silly and petty for being so dramatic about what a bad day I was having. It wasn't really a bad day.  It was a Monday.  You know what I'm saying, right?  We're all allowed our Mondays.

In keeping with the theme of Monday, I decided not do any of the things I should have been doing like catching up on Words with Friends getting ready for our trip back home or cleaning.  Instead, I spent the night detoxing with my good friends, Joseph (see his handsome self below) and Emily and her bachelors. I'm fine with that.  And ready for Tuesday. 

Weekend Review

I've been living for the weekends lately.  The pool is pretty much the only thing on our agenda.  The weather has been great.  Hot, yes, but that's how I like it.  It's also so nice having Paul home...another adult to interact with aside from the Target return lady, who, by the way, knows Elena by name.  True life. 

So, yeah, we spent some time at the bar pool Saturday and Sunday.  Have we discussed the fact that my gym/pool serves alcohol?  An added bonus is the fact that everyone else seems to be a-okay with drinking at noon with a kid on your hip, so I don't feel like such a lush.  We're talking moms with cozies. For real.

Mama's gonna need one of these.

  

Elena loves the water.  She also loves to hoard all the other kids' toys in the baby pool.  #notmakinganymomfriends. Did I hashtag correctly? I'm so lame, I know.  I discussed in a previous post how I just recently learned what a hashtag was.  And that I liked to say the word hashtag.  Maybe it's the teacher in me, but I like to put new things I learn to use, hence my attempt at hashtagging.  {Can hashtag be a verb?}

Lunch break

In other HUGE news, my child fell asleep in the stroller this weekend.  And I've got the proof.  Elena probably has not fallen asleep in her stroller since she was 6 months old.  She is such a busy body.  Always has to see what is going on.  I could walk this kid for an hour in circles at nap time and she will. not. fall. asleep.  Girlfriend loves her crib.  Loves to catch a few Z's in the car seat.  Stroller?  Not so much.  So this? This is huge! Pool must've kicked her little tush.  

 

As if this stroller nap wasn't enough for this mama...She also slept through the night the same night.  The entire night.  As in almost 12 hours.  She's always been a decent sleeper but still wakes once a night to nurse.  She's done the 12 hour thing a time or two but it's always been a fluke.  Fingers crossed for another solid night. 

Saturday night we went out to a Mexican joint near our house.  We've been there once before...food is good, margaritas are strong, and the loud music, whirling ceiling fans, and plastic salsa bowls (for banging, of course) make it very kid friendly.  

When we arrived, I headed straight to the bathroom, leaving Paul to settle E in her highchair.  As soon as I get to the table and sit down the waitress comes over with a shot of tequila, hands it to Paul, and says it was from another couple in the restaurant.  Apparently they'd seen his USMC t-shirt and were thanking him for his service.  Yes, people in Ohio are really this nice.  My Jersey ass was thinking some hooch saw my man alone with a kid and wanted to get a piece.  Ha! 

So Paul waves, mouths a thank you, and we dig into our salsa & chips exchanging niceties about the couple.  A few minutes later, waitress returns and informs us that the couple would like to pay for our meal.  Say what?  Now come on people, this cannot be for real.  Paul is way too proud and humble to accept such a kind and generous offer (meanwhile, I'm thinking, SWEET...fried ice cream for dessert!) 

To make a really long story short, Paul makes friends with them and they come sit with us for a drink after we finish our meal.  Maybe the nicest couple ever.  I couldn't help but wonder if maybe they were swingers though.  I swear my mind is always in the gutter.  

In other weekend randomness, I saw two cows getting busy. We were driving down a country road and we saw a herd of cows....you know how it goes..."Hey look! Cows!" like you've never seen one before.  Then I saw what I thought was a mutant, giant cow, only to realize it was one cow mounting another cow.   I found it hysterical as only a 13 34 year old would.  Laughed so hard that I had Elena mimicking my hysterical laughter in the backseat.  I'm sure you found that tidbit totally blog worthy.  Well, Paul took a video.  Ewww, not of the fornicating cows...of me hysterical over the cows.  I am too lazy at the moment to try and upload it.  And honestly, I don't really know how.  But to hear Elena pretend laughing is funny enough for me not to care what a jack ass I look/sound like and so I may consider uploading it.  Stay tuned for that gem. 

As the weekend closes, I'm living for the WEEK.  The week I get to go home!  4 more wake-ups until I'm in Jersey.  Looking forward to family, friends, and all things Garden State.  What are you looking forward to this week?

Friday in Photos

Paul got home from Chicago last night which meant he was able to be home today. Which also meant I could brush my teeth and change out of my pjs before it was time to put on new pjs and brush my teeth for bed. Glorious!

Paul started the day by getting his concealed carry license.  My man can now pack some heat. You take that however you want.  wink. wink.  No, my man is not a gangster,  just an average American who loves his rights.  He left us girls home to have breakfast.

Is there anything on my face?

After cleaning up breakfast I tried relentlessly to get Elena down for her morning nap.  She ALWAYS goes down without a fight around 9/9:30.  Pssht.  Girlfriend was having no part of it.  Clearly she had her own agenda and napping was not involved.  When Paul got home we decided we'd all head out together to run some errands. 

Yeah, that's right.  My man packs heat and gets groomed.  Meow.

Paul is totally not the metrosexual type.  No manis for this former Marine, however, he does partake in some hair pluckage in the eyebrow region.  That only took me about a decade of convincing.

 By the time we got downtown, Elena was conked out.

Chillin' out, Maxin', Relaxin'.  She's loving her new big girl car seat. 

 While Paul was being groomed and Elena snoozed I decided to get gas. And yes, I'm gonna post a picture of that because it is a big deal.  People in NJ do not pump their own gas.   So the fact that I am now among the ranks of self service gas pumpers, I shall be an attention whore. We won't talk about the first time I pumped my own gas and continued pressing the nozzle thingy while removing it from the car.  Yeah.  Gas pretty much all over. 

By the time I got back to the salon, groomer pick up Paul, I was ready for a bevvie.  All that gas pumping plum tuckered me out.  Luckily Sbux was right across the street so I ran over for a cold one.  Sidebar- No matter how often I order my drink, whatever it is...simple or complex...I always get a little nervous when I'm giving my request to the barista.  I have no idea why.

My guilty pleasure.  Moreso on the wallet than in calories.  I could seriously mainline this ish.

We went home to feed Elena and pick up Paul's car so that we could take it to get serviced.  While Paul was inside I noticed an umbrella of sorts in the middle of the parking lot that caught my eye.  I was pretty certain it was a hot dog cart of sorts.  Could it be? Dirty water dogs? Yes, please! Another travesty of the Buckeye state....no weiner stands.  I know, I know, it's almost too much to take.  In Jersey, you can find a food truck selling dogs every few blocks.  Definitely something Paul loves and misses.  

2 sausage and peppers for Paul, one marinated chicken, cheese, onion and peppers for me.

It tasted like home.  And it was heavenly.  We ran a few more errands that went pictureless because I was in a food coma.  We hit up Toys R Us to get some toys for Elena with some of her birthday gift cards. We decided on a  three-in-one trike and a water table.  Can't wait to see how she likes them. 

Paul also got all productive on my tired ass, which happens often, and decided he wanted to hang Elena's newborn pics in the nursery.  Which reminds me, I have to order her 1 year prints. 

Uh huh.  A groomed, heat packing, honey-do-list-completer. Score! 

We rounded out the night with some dinner, a very messy baby, who had a tubby and was a sleeping baby by 7:00.  Just in time to for us to watch the Yankees whip some Mets ass, although at the time of this post, we're down by 5.  No bueno.  May try to talk Paul into watching Wanderlust.  Hope you all have a great weekend!  Cheers!
               

Gotta love Lola trotting in the background.

                                 

One Week

Loving the fact that I can finally say I'll be home a week from today.  Can't wait to breath me some fresh Jersey air.  Aaaaahhh.  Some of the things I am simply giddy about:

• Seeing Paul's parents.  Yes, I really like my in-laws.  We'll be spending the entire week at their house, which is in our hometown.  Did I mention we shack up in his parent's bedroom.  Mother-in-law insists.  Awkward. 
• Showing off Elena to everyone who can't wait to love her up.  She's just started standing without holding onto anything so I'm hoping she'll take her first steps while we're there.  She's changed so much in the last month.  Wait until they get a load of her new big girl attitude. 
• Spending time with my sister, sisters-, and brothers-in law, nieces, nephews, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins.  That is the good life. 
• The 10 hour car ride.  Seriously.  I love a road trip.  Even with a child in tow.  She's all pimped out in the back with the portable DVD player Paul bought her.  Can I get a Yo! Gabba Gabba? Not to mention road trips are the perfect excuse for multiple Starbucks, an entire bag of combos, followed up with a gummy bear chaser.
• Getting a mani and pedi.  Having a traveling husband while living in a new city where you know no one, with a baby= no way for this mama to get her nails did.
• Bagels, pork roll, pizza that is cut into a 8 slices, 7-11 Slurpees, Dunkin' Donuts Ice Coffee, and all my favorites that I know my in-laws will make.  So, yeah, I'll be coming back to Ohio a cow. 
• Visiting the cemetery.  That's one of the things I miss most.  I went weekly and have missed tending to my parents' grave, visiting with them, feeling close. Hoping for some nice weather so I can do some gardening.  And, because I'm a total stalkerazzi, hopefully I'll be able to get a glimpse at Whitney's final resting spot.  Yes, Ms. Houston is laid to rest in my hometown cemetery.  Cray cray.  
•  Lord and Taylor.  How I miss thee.  Mama is going shopping. Friends and Family- It's on. 
• The Atlantic Ocean.  I miss water.  I miss living on a coast.  Salt air, sand in your crack toes.  Jersey Shore meatballs, gorillas, and grenades.  NO place finer to people watch.  

All of this goodness will re-charge me and give me just enough wind in my sails to push me through until our TWO WEEK visit at the end of the summer.  Boom! 

So What! Wednesday

This week I'm saying so what if...

• I put on make-up to go to the fire house to get Elena's car seat inspected.  Visions of hottie fireMEN were dancing in my head.  Too bad it was Brittany, the fireWOMAN, doing my inspection.  Womp Womp.
• My daughter's favorite toys are an empty tampon box and one of the dog's stuffed piggies.
• I am dying for a) a mani b) a pedi) c) an eyebrow wax d) ALL OF THE ABOVE.  Biting my nails is the only form of manicure these nails have seen since I moved to C'bus.  
• I thought the lyrics to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun were "What in the world can they..." instead of "When the working day is done..."  and still sing them MY way. 
• I fist pump in my car to Pitbull's Back In Time.  I still have Jersey plates and I don't give a #2.
• I had no idea that hashtags were called hashtags and had no clue how to use them b/c I'm quasi-moronic in the Twitter department.  #notaquickstudy
• I was super-dorkily-excited to try to do (?) my first ever hashtag just now.
• I like saying the word hashtag.

So, what are YOU saying So What! to this week?

Dear God, Thank you for my health, my family, and processed meat..

Two words. Pork Roll.  If you have never had it, you are seriously deprived and I feel all sorts of sorry for your ass.  Pork Roll, in all it's drool-invoking glory, is probably the only meat that keeps me from being able to claim myself a vegetarian.  Well, that and bacon, of course.  It is pure deliciousness and I have a serious hankering for it.  Yes, I just said hankering.  And no, I am not 75.

In case you've never indulged, let me school you.  It is a Jersey thing to the best of my knowledge and I'm fairly certain you can't find it anywhere else {Why? WHHHHHHY?}, at least not in these here parts I now call home.  Shame. In NJ, you can visit any diner, bagel place, food truck, or deli and order yourself up some pork roll or, as it's also known- Taylor ham.  The two are synonymous.  I grew up calling it pork roll.  I suppose it's one of those genericide thingys...Kleenex is to Tissue as Taylor Ham is to pork roll.  Any way you call it, it is fricking amazing.

It's a diverse little meat and can be eaten in a slew of ways, much like Spam I suppose, which ironically makes me gag.  I'm fairly certain the ingredient lists are probably scarily similar.  Please do not enlighten me if they indeed are. I would like my love affair with pork roll and my disdain for Spam to remain as is.  Thankyouverymuch.  My favorite way to order it up? Pork roll, egg, and cheese on a scooped out everything bagel or round roll with saltpepperketchup.  Oh yeah, baby.  At home I've been known to fry some up and eat it on white bread with mustard and lettuce. Who are you calling Whiskey Tango? Psshht. 

via

I would not be lying if I told you that I have a pork roll, egg, and cheese ornament for my Christmas tree, that I knew a Rottweiler officially named Taylor Ham, Egg & Cheese, and that those three words were bestowed upon the three embryos that were implanted in my ute during my last IVF.  Yup.  True Life.  I'd like to think that Elena was Taylor Ham. 

Milestone Monday....the Fist Bump

Seriously? 

My little baby has developed into a mini-human practically over night.  

She is no longer a baby.  

How the eff did that happen? 

I'll offer up some proof that she is, indeed, the coolest kid on the planet.

 She fist bumps.  

As in, gives knuckles; pounds.  

On command.  

Randomly during the day and first thing in the morning when I go get her from her crib.  

If she hears "knuckles' or "pound," up go them fists.  

  

Sometimes even two at a time.

Gah! I love this kid.

I have a crush on Jimmy Fallon

As if my school girl crush on Jimmy Fallon needed any further confirmation....

I have no shame.  Love the song, love The Roots, adore JF, and who doesn't love a Fisher Price xylophone.  Come on. 

Vlog Link Up...My faves

First time ever Vlogging.  I clearly decided to do this last minute-as evidenced by the poor lighting, over use of safety words, and my lovely attire.  No apologies for the no make up/frizzy hair look.  This mama has hit the gym 5 days in a row.  Holler.  As for the pirate eye, aaaarrrgh.  Thanks for that, Bells.Palsy. 

Wanted: Friends

Nothing like my first two followers to give this blog a heartbeat.  Thanks, gals!

My So What! Wednesday post woes of not having any friends in my new city lit a fire under my arse.  I have been here for two months and aside from a girl I stalked in Target who is now my FB friend and the rotation of Starbucks' baristas,  I don't know a damn soul. 

When I first moved here, I stumbled upon and liked a FB page that is basically a playground tour of the Columbus Area (Is it bad that I am still misspelling Columbus, and always want to spell it Colombus or Colombia on my iPhone)...Every Thursday they post a park for you to go to and meet up with other moms.  Again, inspired by my prior post, I threw caution to the wind, left dishes in the sink, said eff you to the errands I was gonna run, grabbed my child and hopped in the car.  It was 10:45 on a beautiful day, meet up was at 11, GPS clocked the park to be a 12 minute drive.  Perfect. 

I arrived in 12 minutes just as my faithful GPS said I would.  However, I was not at a park.  I was at the dead end of a cul-de-sac in a cookie-cutter-all-the-houses-look-exactly-the-freaking-same neighborhood. FUCK.  I hate being late.  Especially when I'm walking into an unfamiliar place without a plan.  My initial reaction was to go home, but I decided to input the name of the park on my iPhone map and try to find it.  By the time I got to THAT location my child was crying in the back b/c in my carefree moment of LET'S DO THIS, I neglected to feed her.  Awesome. Except, when I arrived, this clearly was NOT the park.  Yea, it was a park but not the one where all those unsuspecting moms were waiting for me to arrive so we could become friends  DUH.

So I parked, fed her, and then used my best map reading skills- which is not saying much- to find THE park.  And I did.  Finally.  At Noon. I probably would have driven around all damn afternoon to find it.  "I know you're out there stupid park!"  Yeah, I was actually saying that out loud.  I'm clearly a five year old.

I wish this story had some awesome ending where I met this really great girl with a baby just a few days older than my bug, but truth be told, I left feeling a little defeated.  A little like Mommy Wars may really exist.  And a lot like I did in high school when it was the week my friends decided to hate me.  That happens to everyone, right?

I struck up a conversation with a mom who was pushing her kids on the swings.  I guess I was hoping when I said I was new in town and had no family or friends here that would be her cue to invite me into her world.  Yeah, no.  Instead, she and her other Mom besties in their cute little gym outfits  started chatting it up about this teacher and that swim class, and so-and-so's birthday party. I just kept on pushing Elena, all giggles and smiles, which should have been enough.  But in that moment, it wasn't.  I wanted that camaraderie and familiarity.  That promise of "see you later" or "I'll call you."   They rounded up their kids and headed out together, never glancing my way again.  Not gonna lie, I felt hurt.  How ridiculous is that.  I'm a little ashamed to admit it and A LOT glad that my daughter is too young to sense it. 

Paul says I have to manage my expectations.  He's right.  Like usual.  He also reminded me gently that friendships take time and not to give up.  So I decided to go on one of those social meetup website deals and hunt for some mom groups in my area.  I picked one and sent a request and got a reply back in a few short hours...One of the co-founders gave me two play date times for next week to attend before I can become a member.  They like to meet in a public place before giving access to their group.  For shiz? I feel like I'm pledging all over again.  Yeah, that's right, I paid for my friends in college.  I'm not gonna lie, I got a little nervous.  I am somewhat socially phobic.  So yeah, this whole making friends thing is conquering fears, too.  I haven't replied back but I'm gonna go.  Really.