And we're walking

Seriously, time seems to be spinning out of control.  Sundays blend into Mondays and by Tuesday I'm thinking it's Friday.  Happy Hour, anyone?

In the midst of it all---the chaos, the fun, the tantrums---I've blinked and my baby has evolved into a toddler.  Literally, a toddler.  As in one who toddles around.  She took her first steps a week after her 13 month birthday and has been teasing us with a few steps here and there for weeks now. 

Finally, this past weekend, girlfriend really stepped up her walking game.  She's got this sort of zombie gait {think MJ in Thriller} that gives off the vibe she's been swigging from Mommy's sippy, if ya' know what I mean.  Relax, I do not give my kid booze...unless you count the Jack Daniels I rub on her gums at night to numb the pain.  I kid.  I kid.  Though I can't guarantee my in-laws haven't tried it.

And, because I suck and haven't uploaded any videos yet, I'll just have to leave you with a picture of my big girl.  The only thing cuter than a new-to-walking toddler....one in Crocs and a jean jacket.  I die. 

A Fair Weekend

I love a good fair.  Or even a bad fair, for that matter.  Where there's a fair, there's food.  And really, who are we kidding?  It's all about the food.  For me, at least.  I can do without the rides and can take or leave the games.  But the food?  Now that will get me to a fair any day.

Feeling close to home with the cheese steak. 

Was this necessary?  Nope.  Did I eat all of that disgusting fried goodness?  Yessiree. 

I'm pretty sure they had everything you could imagine of the fried variety---snickers, PB&Js, grilled cheese sammies, buck eyes, and even smores, which sadly I didn't realize until after I ordered.  I decided on a combo of fried Oreos and Nutter Butters, which did not dissapoint.  I restrained myself from the Hershey's syrup drizzle they offered, ya know, because I'm counting calories and all.  #backonthewagonMondayforreal.  We also had an ear of roasted corn, which was probably the best thing I've ever eaten in my life. 

I was a little bummed because Paul was manning the good camera, which had a full memory card {I must've forgotten to delete all the photos from my last upload off of the card}, so we didn't get many good pics of Elena's first merry-go-round ride.  That might not be a bad thing, though, considering I get motion sickness and was fifty shades of green by the time that thing stopped.   #thethingswedoforourkids. He did manage some cell phone shots.  Ironically, I seem to be smiling, which must be the result of some Mom instinct that kicks in so you don't scare the living shit out of your child.  But even my fake-ass perma-grin couldn't fool this kid.  No tears were shed {by either of us, for the record. thankyouverymuch.} but she was clearly not a fan. 

Smiles indicate we were not in motion yet. 

Here I am lying to my child. "Yea!  We're having fun!"

 Clearly I deserve some props for that last shot.  I mean, look at me.  I genuinely look like I'm enjoying myself.  The sunnies are hiding the fear in my eyes.  Like I said, I could do without the rides.  Adrenaline junkie, I am not. 

It was hot as balls so we escaped inside for some air conditioned and even managed a decent family photo with what appears to be our State mascot....

Elena is totally still pissed at me from the Merry-go-round

 So, despite the heat and the merry-go-round fail, it was a worthwhile trip for the memories, and of course, the eats.  We're really trying to embrace being mid-westerners and I'd say this was a good start!

Friday's Letters

It's still Friday....better late than never, right? Couldn't miss linking up with sweet Ashley.

Dear Ohio weather, You scare the crap out of me. I'm trying to gain a little street cred with my tough-as-nails kid.  Having her see me cry like the Mary I am isn't helping. So, please, next time let's save the whole thunder, lightening, and thrashing wind bit until *after* she goes to bed, or at least when Daddy is home.

Dear August, You're right around the corner. Which means 2 weeks in NJ is *also* right around the corner. #hurryup #motherland

Dear Husband's boss, You may just be the first dude to admit reading 50 shades.  I am slightly intrigued by this admission. 

Dear husband's boss's next girlfriend, Bow chicka bow bow. #boyfrienddidhisresearch

Dear Elena, I think it's so cute that you've discovered where the Cheerios are. My OCD clean freak self could care less when you dump half the box on the floor and sit there shoveling fistfuls into your mouth. Lola doesn't mind, either.

Dear pasty white legs, Why are you immune to the sun? Please, for the love of cute dresses, soak up some sun.

Dear KStew, Are you freaking cray cray? SMH.

Dear weekend, I'm ready!! Let's get 'er done right. 

Make it a good one, peeps! enjoy! xoxo

Operation Boss Man

{Not sure why blogger is making my spacing all funky...sorry.}

 Paul has been in Cincinnati all week and comes home tomorrow.  He always brings his girls a treat whenever he travels.  You know, a shower cap for me, a comb for Elena.   Gotta luff him.   

His boss from NY has been traveling with him and is coming to check out our crib and take us out to dinner tomorrow night.   Totally stressing about where to go with a boss and a baby.  And as far as the casa?  I've done nothing to prepare, other than fill the wine rack.  Pretty sure it'd be bad for business if my whiskey tango self offered the guy a pull from my wine cube in the fridge.  I might as well just offer him a forty of Olde English.  #thisonesformyhommies #sorryihadto


The only chance any of my to-dos are gonna get done is if they jump off my list and bitch slap me in the face themselves. 

  I have been such a procrastinator lately.  I thought working out was supposed to make you have more energy {someone kindly remind me I've only been back at it for 3 days. #realitycheck}. I swear, once Elena is in bed I am good for nothing.  Except eating, drinking and reality TV watching. All I want to do is continue my search for the end of the internet  decompress.  Not put away laundry.  Not hang the picture wall.  Not dust or vacuum.  And when Elena is up?  Forget it.  All I want to do is watch her, play with her, savor her.  I mean look at this face? 

So I'm actually hoping for some rain and clouds tomorrow.  It is the only way Operation Boss Man will go down successfully.  Pray for me.  And maybe, just maybe I'll pull it off.

So What! Wednesday

It's Wednesday and time for my favorite weekly link up!



                                      

This week I am saying So What! if....

I sniff my dog's paws, like, all the time.  They smell like corn chips.  I swear she's got a side gig at Frito Lay when I'm not looking.  

I also sniff my daughter's paci when she gets up in the morning or from a nap.  I know, it sounds gross, but honestly, I don't think there is a scent sweeter than baby's breath. 

Every muscle in my entire body hurts from getting back on the wagon.  Beauty is pain though, right?

I don't own a Kindle or a Nook.  I love to read and feel like I'd be cheating on books if I wasn't actually flipping pages.  

I still haven't posted pics from Elena's 1st birthday.  I think I'm still in denial that she isn't an infant anymore.

Little Bear and Little Bill babysat my child today so that I could take a shower for our 10 am meet up.  

I'm proud of myself that we made it to said meet up, which was at an ice cream place {The Graeter's by us has a huge indoor play area....fun-ness!} and I DID NOT, repeat, DID NOT order ice cream.  

I consider ice cream a food group all its own.

I can't wait for Elena's Crocs to arrive.  I loathe them on adults, unless you are coordinating them with scrubs, but think they scream cute on baby feet! 

Crafting is not my strong suit but I DIY shit anyway.  I blame none other than Pinterest for mom-guilting me into thinking I have a crafty bone in my body.  Pics to come of the yarn covered pain in the ass letter "E" that I re-purposed from Elena's birthday to hang over her crib. 

I've always wanted to use the word re-purpose.  But now it looks/sounds weird because I've said it so many times. 

Can't wait to hear what you're saying So What! to this week!

Halle-freaking-lujah

Halle-freaking-lujah to the following:
 
+Page tabs.  I just figured out how to add them to the top of my blog.  This is huge.  Just because I am a computer nerd wannabe, does not mean I know a damn thing about computers.  And yes, I realize there is no content.  Baby steps.

+Baby Sleep.  Elena has been possessed by demons teething for what seems like forever and her schedule, bedtime, naps, and eating have been all over the place.  Teeth are on my shit list.  But alas, she sleeps. 

+Advil and my heating pad.  War is being waged inside my ovaries and my lady bits feel like they're going to fall out from under me.  There is just no ladylike way to put it.

+Wednesday.  As in tomorrow.  Also known as the day before Thursday, which is when Paul will be home.  And Big Brother is on.

+ $$$ to spend on Shopbop.  I totally forgot about a $300 credit I have from a Marc Jacobs diaper bag I returned.  Whaaat?  I must be mental.  Who forgets that kind of shit.  What should I buy?????

+Getting shit done.  Instead of napping  this morning when Elena napped {which was so enticing with the rain and the thunder and the gloom}, I checked some things off my list that I've probably been re-writing on it for months now: I registered to vote in Ohio,  changed my address with the NJ dept of pension and benefits, and filed a crap ton of paper work.  Done and done.

+These two.  Love them.  Total partners in crime.  

Elena & Lola got into the bread drawer when I was making lunch. 

Anything you are halle-freaking-lujahing?

Back on the wagon...and a link-up!

I'm the type of procrastinator person who needs to start things, particularly eating healthy and working out types of things, on a Monday.  If I don't, then I'm more than likely making excuses that carry me and my muffin top all the way until next Monday.  Sigh. 

I have been feeling really crappy lately and know it has everything to do with what I'm eating {read: anything and everything} and what I'm not doing....working out.  When I'm unhappy with how I look/feel {call me vain} I become depressed.  Not to mention a beast toward my poor husband. 

 I haven't felt happy with my body in a while.  Nothing fits right and I'm wishing it was acceptable to wear my maternity pants 14 months post partem.  Getting dressed pretty much consists of temper tantrums in my closet that end with an apparel bomb in the bedroom.  I don't want to leave the house in anything other than yoga pants and a wife beater.  My uniform. 

So I ate my way through the weekend knowing, come Monday, shit was going down.  So, I'm officially back on the wagon.

Gym?  Check.

Day one of Couch to 5k.  This app is great...really kept me motivated.

 I also did 10 girly push ups when I got home.  Pathetic, I know.  Hey, it's a start.  

Cardio alone ins't gonna cut it.  So, in an attempt to whittle my middle, I am linking up with Shannon at Life After I 'Dew' for a  30 day/300 Ab Challenge.  Today was day one.  Oh dear lord above.  That ish is hard as a mo fo.  I definitely had sucky form and could barely do half of the freaking exercises.  I could hardly lift my leg in the shower to wash my foot. My whole body feels like jell-O.  Tomorrow is gonna be FUN!

Unfortunately, for me, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that exercise isn't enough.  I have to eat healthy if I want to feel good.  Even after one day of drinking only water and eating right, I *feel* better.  Basically less like a slug.  I love the my fitness pal app and am happy to be back on the wagon with counting my calories.  It works for me.  Otherwise I'm eating triple the serving of most things I love.  Goodbye, huge bowls of Peanut Butter Panic Ice cream. 

Healthy eats? Check. 

Delish salad I made for lunch.  Only 280 calories.

Accountability is half the battle for me.  So I'm putting my intentions out there.  For all to see.  Before and after pics and all. 

My first friend

I'm not gonna sugar coat the fact that living in Ohio has been tough for me.  Isolation has gotten the best of me over the past 4 months {Read:: I'm a big fat baby and I wanna go home}.  The toughest part is, undoubtedly, being away from my loved ones.  

I miss unexpected visits from my father in law.  

I miss popping over to my sister in law's  sister's house to drink a beer, order pizza, and watch the kids play. 

I miss manis and pedis with my bestie.  

I miss just knowing that at any moment, if I needed someone, they'd be there. 

Feeling sorry for myself is not my thing.  And I was kinda sickened with myself when it dawned on me. 

"You. Yeah, you.  You're feeling freaking sorry for yourself, aren't you?" 

UGH.

Can't you just picture it?  I'm looking in the mirror talking out loud to myself?  Cause I totally was.  I do that.  A lot. 

Anyway, I wanted to throat punch my reflection.  Wanted to just scream in frustration for allowing it to get this way.  Lucky for that mirror, I am not the splinters-of-broken-glass-in-my-knuckles kind of gal.  But I did loudly resolve that I was not gonna be a mope a day longer. 

Mopey is not attractive on me.  

Not long after this confrontation with my reflection, as if by some cosmic collision, I bumped into one of the first girls I met at one of those meet ups I swore I was gonna start going to all the time.  It was at the Kroger.  And it was clear that our conversation was pretty effortless.  And that we should probably hang out.  Our kids even high-fived when we parted ways. So we made plans to hang out.  Which leads me to today.  

We met at the food court and spent an hour and a half walking the mall.  We hit up Starbucks, walked some more.  Talked non-stop, so easily, barely taking note of the stores we passed.  At one point, laughing so hard I feared springing a leak on the floor #vaginalbirth #toomuchinformation #mamaneedstodosomekegels, you would have thought we were old friends.  Just the kind of friend I feared I would never find out here.  So yeah, we really hit it off.  And I came home without one purchased item, yet I was wearing something new.  A big, fat, authentic cheesy smile .  The kind of smile you have when your cheeks ache from the perma-grin that comes from laughing your ass off...With a friend. 

Ice Cream and Drapes

Starting this post without a title because I'm not quite sure where it's going.  I have a lot on my mind that I want to talk about but am feeling sort of ADD at the moment, like I'm not able to form a cohesive thought.

Maybe it's because Paul just called and asked me if I wanted Jeni's {uhm, yes please}.  So now that is all I can think about.

I love you Salty Caramel.

Ice Cream.

And this, people, *this* is why I need a lock on my refrigerator.  Or at least one of those embarrassing pig things that oinks really loud any time I attempt to shove another frozen peppermint patty in my grill get another handful of grapes.

Anyway, I had intentions of doing a weekend rundown post of sorts, but truth?  My weekend was far from exciting.  Unless watching Paul hang window treatments in E's room or trying to bargain with a 14 month old is your idea of a good time.  I think I may have promised her a pony if she would hold still why I changed her diaper.  It is like WWF in this piece. 

I'm actually really excited about the window treatments.  Elena's new room is finally looking like a pretty little baby nursery.  Since we are renting, we decided not to paint, which means we need to rely on accents and decor to perk it up...Our entire place is this drab beige - the walls and the carpet.  Sort of like melted Hagen Daaz coffee ice cream.  Which I love.  But not for all the walls and carpet in however-may-sqaure-feet this place is.  And yes, I am talking about ice cream again.  {I just inhaled a 2 heavenly scoops of Jeni's brown butter and salty caramel.  Sooooo good.}

We know who the boss is here.

 So, yeah, back to the nursery...I wanted to add some frill and flair to make it feel a little more like home.  I think the curtains really brightened it up.  Even though it's not the nursery that I planned, and painted {well, Paul & Grandpa painted,} and waited for her in while she was still in my belly, it's a good space and deserving of some fancying up.  I already feel better about it.  I plan to scour Etsy tonight for a cute wall decal to put over her crib.  Found one on Land of Nod, but seriously? $99 for a giant sticker? Yeahno.


Pics to come.

Friday's Letters

Dear Paul, Thank the sweet lord you are on your way home today.  Mama needs a break. I desperately missed you.

Dear Single mothers, I tip my hat to you.  Taking care of a little one solo is no effing joke.  I am incredibly grateful that, although I'm alone most of the week, I have a another set of hands on the weekend that help to restore my sanity and help lighten the load.

Dear Big Brother, I freaking love you.  I am so ecstatic that the remainder of my summer has you on the calendar 3 nights a week!

Dear ADT installer guy, Please, if you'd be so kind as to blow that last puff of smoke from your Marlboro outside and NOT in my foyer, that'd be greeeeeat.  Kthanks. 

Dear Old Bag of Nails, I am really excited to eat at your establishment tonight for the first time.  Do you think it'd be ridic if I ordered the beer battered pickles, spinach artichoke dip, french onion soup AND the wedge salad?

Dear Elena, I cannot believe all that you've learned in the past week.  Signing like crazy...more, all done, I love you.  You seem to comprehend everything I say.  Taking your first steps.  Saying your first word besides Dada.  Even if it wasn't Mama, I know Lola is super pumped. You completely amaze me. 

Dear TJ Maxx, I'm sorry I never gave you the time of day.  After yesterday I've learned the error of my ways.  I'll be back.  Bible. 

Dear muffin top, It. Is. OVER.  I am officially breaking up with you.  I'm sick of looking at you.  Sick of you consuming too many of my thoughts.  Sick of you photo bombing every picture of me.  It is time for you to vacate the premises. Buh Bye.

Dear body, If muscle memory really exists, could you please remember back to my 2003 body.  I'd like that one back.  Much appreciated.   


This was totally fun! If you haven't done so already, visit Ashley at Adventures of Newlyweds and Link up!

Things that get me through a Thursday

I woke up to a text from Paul yesterday am.  Simple.  3 words.  See you tomorrow (which would now be today).  Halle-freaking-lujah. 

Being without my husband for 4 nights sucks balls.  There just is no polite way to say it.  So that little text? Totally got me through the day.

I've been in a funk of sorts the past 4 days.  You know how it is; the let down after being around the people you love and that love you back.  You're all high and giddy and then the reality that you live 500+ miles from anyone who gives 2 shits comes and bitch slaps you across the face.  That, coupled with my struggle to establish a daily routine (which I need), tends to land me at the corner of Doesn't Wanna Leave the House and Eats too Much.  I've dealt with depression and anxiety before and, though I'm no where near under water, I'm definitely ankle deep in the shallow end.  

So I'd like to give a shout out to the big man upstairs for this little lady.  She makes it pretty much all better.  How could she not?  I mean, look at her. 

She is my sunshine.  She keeps me afloat.  I feel guilty even suggesting I'm depressed.  How could I be? I have so many blessings.  So much to be grateful for.  I thank God.  Every. Single. Day.  And I'm happy.  Truly. I love being a mother.  It isn't that.  It's the isolation.  Plain and simple.  I know that eventually I will love it here.  It has promise and I am starting to feel comfortble.  It just takes time.  I get that.  A lesson in patience. 

Being in a funk is also a good excuse to shop.  Because shopping, like Elena, has healing powers.  I subscribe to retail therapy.  It works for me.  Though I can't say it's always cheaper than a therapist.  

I hit up Home Goods/TJ Maxx and am so excited about my purchases.  Depression, who?
First of all, let me clarify that I never shop at TJ Maxx.  It just overwhelms me.  But I'm practing patience, so I figured, what the hell?  Holy shit balls!  I had NO idea what I was missing...consider me a freakin Maxinista, my friends.  Who knew they carried such swoon-worthy designers?! I'm talking Nanette Lepore, Tory Burch, Cynthia Rowley, Vince Camuto, Joes, Bailey 44.  And on.  And on.

I give you Exhibits A & B:

Patterson J. Kinkaide top.  Perfect mix of flirty, fun, and casual all in one.  Love the contrast of the heather gray back.

These bad boys deserve a post all their own.  Paige Denim are my favorite brand of jeans.  They are the best fit and are so comfy.  These white denim capris were only $60!

I also scored two pieces for the casa, as well.  I picked up a pretty light blue bowl for the dining table for a five spot and an awesome ceramic jar to stash my K cups in for only twelve bucks.

I am obsessed with teal and yellow together....those are some new place mats I picked up last week at my home away from home.  Target, of course.

"Take me home....I'm the perfect hideout for your K cups," said the pretty ceramic canister. 

A simple text + lovins from my girl + retail therapy = not so bad a Thursday after all.   And obvi, Big Brother Premier!  Boom!

So What! Wednesday Link-Up

This week I'm saying so what if...

I can't contain my excitement for the return of Big Brother.  One word- OBSESSED. Two words- No Shame.

I eat my Greek yogurt with a baby spoon.  Have you seen how freakishly small the fruit compartment thingy is?  I want every last ounce of that fruity goodness in mah belly. 

Re-writing my list of things to do includes the things I've already done, just so I can get the high satisfaction of crossing it off.

I'm So-Whating (that's totally a verb, right?) instead of folding laundry or packing lunch for the pool.

I have to restrain myself from throat punching the next Judger-ella  that asks me if I'm still breastfeeding my child.  Public Service Announcement all you asshats inquiring minds...YES.  I still nurse my child.  YES.  She has teeth and NO they do not hurt.  YES we both enjoy it and NO I am not a crunchy feminist, nor am I trying to satisfy any selfish needs of my own by continuing to nurse her past a year.  When will we stop?  When we're good and ready.  Why the hell do you care so damn much anyway???

I am addicted to edamame hummus from Trader Joe's.  It's good for me.  Well, maybe not the whole tub in two sittings, but still.  It's better than chocolate frosting, no?

I cried when Emily gave Sean the boot Monday night.  He was a hottie with a body.  Shame.

I ate my weight in Peppermint Patties while we were in NJ.

I'm secretly saddies that none of my friends or family have done anything but "talk" about coming to visit us in Ohio.  Get that shit on the calendar people.

What are you saying So What! to this week?  

Bed, sweet bed

  I have a new appreciation for the little slice of pillow top heaven also known as my bed. 10 nights of shacking up in your Mother-in-law's boudoir will do that to a girl.  Yes, my MIL insisted that we sleep in her air conditioned room while she spent her nights in Paul's bedroom.  In a twin bed.  With no air conditioning.  During a heatwave.  So as happy as I was to get back to my bed, I'm pretty sure my MIL was even happier. 

My bed is seriously effing up my program, however.  I have 2 loads of laundry to fold, a shower to take, dishes to put away, and ice cream in the freezer that NEEDS me to eat it,  but I just. can't move. 

This hotbox on my lap is not helping matters.  Note overflowing laundry basket in background.

Well now there's really no hope of me leaving my bed...I just realized that NY Med premiers in T minus 2 minutes.  That's right, my reality TV addiction does not discriminate, people. I watch it all- the trashy and  the informative.  The smarts I get from this show will certianly cancel out the brain cells I'll lose as my devotional to Big Brother begins on Thursday.  Holler!

So, needless to say,  my serious intentions of uploading my pics and posting about our Jersey trip are on hold.  At least until my bed is ready to release me from its death grip #dontholdyourbreath. 

Home

via

We got back from our NJ trip yesterday.  Felt good to be home-home.  Family.  Hugs.  Nights out with friends.  Mani/Pedi. Pork Roll, Egg & Cheese sammies.  Dunkin iced coffees every. single. day.  Peeing in private.  Visiting the cemetery. Home cooked meals.  Driving without GPS.  Real pizza {it's called pizza PIE for a reason, people! Ohio pizza is cut in squares. What the eff is up with that?!} Bachelorette with my bestie.  Play dates.  I could go on and on.  You get the picture, yes? All of this goodness and then some.  Filled me up.  To the brim. 

But, BUT, it kinda-sorta felt really good to pull into our driveway in our new home.  Our Ohio home.  Maybe this place is growing on me.  Just a smidgen.

Pics and trip low-down to come....For now, I'm off to continue my Bachelorette text fest with the bestie.