Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts

Inspire Me: HEALTHY Link-up

All In My Twenties


See that link-up button up there?  That beauty is the brainchild of two awesome ladies,  Raven and Kristen.  They've teamed up to give their readers that little virtual kick in the ass nudge many of us need.  Maybe you want to lose weight, tone-up, fit into that dress, or rock that bikini.  Maybe you're physically fit but your diet could use a make-over.  Whatever your goal, if you are inspired, it's likely because you believe there is a healthier version of yourself to be had.  I'm finding motivation to get fit from lots of different places these days, and with a sweet tooth the size of JLo's booty, I need all the inspiration I can get.  So, I'm super excited to participate and share the journey to a healthier me with all of you.  Accountability? 
Yes, yes, y'all.

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Ya see, I have always had body issues.  Have always felt uncomfortable in my skin, even though most people would probably consider me skinny. Not unhealthy skinny, just average thin, I suppose.  I felt fat even when I was skinny. 2003 self...yeah, I'm talking to you.  I am currently 132 lbs and 5 feet 8 inches tall.  Technically, that is pretty proportional, but for me, it's heavy.  I am skinny fat.  Actually, these days, I'm feeling pretty much just fat-fat. Ideally, I would love to be at my goal weight of 125 lbs.  That is what I weighed when I got married.  
The loss of my mother & our struggle with infertility sent me into a black hole.  I literally ate my way out of the dark.  Food is comfort and I wrapped myself up in it like a warm blanket.  It's really quite astonishing that I am not morbidly obese.  I can really stuff my face.  And four years of IVF injectibles does not a svelte figure make.  

I did shape up a bit right before I got pregnant.  I was in one of my besties weddings and was committed to eating healthy and working out.  I was also attempting to grow a baby and was taking care of myself.  But then, I did get pregnant and I spent 9 months barely working out for fear that I would lose my babe.  Crazy, I know, but you just can't shake certain fears out of someone who has endured loss and failure and severe infertility. 

And then, well, I became a mom and my world changed and I honestly don't think I examined myself closely in a mirror until after Elena turned one.  Truth.  I lost most of the baby weight quickly but my body, well, it was just not the same.  And it shouldn't have been the same.  I get that.  I birthed a 6 pound 4 ounce human out of my HooHa.
And now?  Now I can finally fit into my pre-pregnancy shorts but there is no denying the muffin top and love handles that spill out.  I know what I need to do.  I am not looking for a shake or a magic pill.  I know that eating right and working out will lead to the results I'd like at attain.  My problem? I lack in the motivation department.  Like my husband loves to say, "Excuses are like assholes.  Everybody's got one."  I can always find an excuse not to hit the gym and an excuse as to why it is imperative to my well being to have that fifth peppermint patty. 

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So the beauty of this here link up is that it's got some major potential to become a huge circle of support and motivation for those of us that are inspired to get fit.  I love reading other people's successes and stories.  It helps me.  Inspires me.

This shit I'm spewing here?  I'm not doing it looking for the "Oh but no, you're so skinny".  I'm over that.  It boils down to this...You do not see my nekkedness.  Only my poor husband isn't spared that travesty.  I have jiggly thighs with cellulite, a plump rump, and a muffin-top that plagues every potentially cute outfit and shred of confidence I have these days.  I want to find that healthier version of myself.  I know she's in there.

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A few things in my arsenal to help me get fit: 

+My fitness pal app.  Love this.  Counting calories works for me and this app is super easy and user friendly.  Love.  I have to recommit myself to this little gem.  Like yesterday. 

+Get Running app.  Awesome Couch to 5k program.  I used to be able to run.  Now, I'm sucking wind barely a mile in.  Determined to run 30 consecutive minutes without stopping by the end of this bad boy. 

+Gym membership with gym daycare.  Goal is to hit the gym at least 3 times a week.  I struggle with dropping Elena off at the daycare.  I know.  I know.  Good for her and good for me.  I'm working on it. 
  
+30 day/300 Ab Challenge that I started thanks to Shannon.  I need to get serious with this b/c the results are undeniable.  These exercises are no joke.

Get after it ladies!  Good luck!





Things that get me through a Thursday


I woke up to a text from Paul yesterday am.  Simple.  3 words.  See you tomorrow (which would now be today).  Halle-freaking-lujah. 
Being without my husband for 4 nights sucks balls.  There just is no polite way to say it.  So that little text? Totally got me through the day.

I've been in a funk of sorts the past 4 days.  You know how it is; the let down after being around the people you love and that love you back.  You're all high and giddy and then the reality that you live 500+ miles from anyone who gives 2 shits comes and bitch slaps you across the face.  That, coupled with my struggle to establish a daily routine (which I need), tends to land me at the corner of Doesn't Wanna Leave the House and Eats too Much.  I've dealt with depression and anxiety before and, though I'm no where near under water, I'm definitely ankle deep in the shallow end.  

So I'd like to give a shout out to the big man upstairs for this little lady.  She makes it pretty much all better.  How could she not?  I mean, look at her. 



She is my sunshine.  She keeps me afloat.  I feel guilty even suggesting I'm depressed.  How could I be? I have so many blessings.  So much to be grateful for.  I thank God.  Every. Single. Day.  And I'm happy.  Truly. I love being a mother.  It isn't that.  It's the isolation.  Plain and simple.  I know that eventually I will love it here.  It has promise and I am starting to feel comfortble.  It just takes time.  I get that.  A lesson in patience. 

Being in a funk is also a good excuse to shop.  Because shopping, like Elena, has healing powers.  I subscribe to retail therapy.  It works for me.  Though I can't say it's always cheaper than a therapist.  


I hit up Home Goods/TJ Maxx and am so excited about my purchases.  Depression, who?
First of all, let me clarify that I never shop at TJ Maxx.  It just overwhelms me.  But I'm practing patience, so I figured, what the hell?  Holy shit balls!  I had NO idea what I was missing...consider me a freakin Maxinista, my friends.  Who knew they carried such swoon-worthy designers?! I'm talking Nanette Lepore, Tory Burch, Cynthia Rowley, Vince Camuto, Joes, Bailey 44.  And on.  And on.

I give you Exhibits A & B:

Patterson J. Kinkaide top.  Perfect mix of flirty, fun, and casual all in one.  Love the contrast of the heather gray back.

These bad boys deserve a post all their own.  Paige Denim are my favorite brand of jeans.  They are the best fit and are so comfy.  These white denim capris were only $60!

I also scored two pieces for the casa, as well.  I picked up a pretty light blue bowl for the dining table for a five spot and an awesome ceramic jar to stash my K cups in for only twelve bucks.

I am obsessed with teal and yellow together....those are some new place mats I picked up last week at my home away from home.  Target, of course.


"Take me home....I'm the perfect hideout for your K cups," said the pretty ceramic canister. 



A simple text + lovins from my girl + retail therapy = not so bad a Thursday after all.   And obvi, Big Brother Premier!  Boom!
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