In the wake of Sandy

As most of us were able to watch last night, NJ and much of the eastern seaboard were battered by Sandy.  We even felt her affects here in Ohio, where winds howled through the night and the grass was dusted with snow in the morning.  She was a monstrous storm to say the least. 

I spent yesterday sick with anticipation waiting for her.  Knowing that all my friends and immediate family were in her direct path.  Knowing the devastation we lived through a year ago with Irene.  Knowing Sandy was going to be worse.  I hoped that my town would be spared.  Hoped that Sandy would weaken or take a turn.  Stay out at sea.  I kept sending out texts and making calls, refreshing Facebook every chance I got.  I downloaded the live feed to ABC's eyewitness news.  It made me feel closer.  Which I needed.

I felt strange all day.  Just alone and so far removed.  I hate storms, but I wanted to be there.  Wanted to be hunkered down bracing for her.  I know that might not make sense, and I won't try to make sense of it for you because I can't.  I just felt wrong for being here.  In Ohio. 

I pretty much drank wine and ate my weight in M&M's, glued to the computer, watching in utter disbelief at the devastation.  I couldn't sleep, worried sick about my family and friends.  And here I am today.  Going through the motions of my day in a fog.  Feeling like I have survivor's guilt.  It's so weird, but that is the only way I can explain it.  Perhaps it's because I feel helpless.  Perhaps it's b/c no one has power or cell service, so I haven't had my usual day full of texts, calls, and Skypes.  Maybe because while I'm snuggled up in my warm home, able to use my computer, flip on a light switch, flush a toilet, and eat a nice meal, all of those I love are without power. 

I am grateful that being without power, or being temporarily displaced in a hotel is the worst my loved ones have to deal with.  Basements didn't flood and houses were spared, though trees fell.  All my loved ones are present and accounted for.  Thank you, God.  But lives were lost.  And my heart is aching for those families. 

And when I see the aerial shots of the Jersey Shore, my eyes well with tears.  When I say "Jersey Shore" I'm not talking about Snooki.  Or The Situation.  I'm not talking about Meatball problems.  I'm talking about the beloved Jersey Shore.  My beloved Jersey Shore. Beaches and boardwalks.  Exit 98.  Exit 63. Summers.  Weekends.  Family.  Friends.  Memories.  Lots and lots of great memories.

Let us all be reminded what a gift each and every day is.  No day is promised.  There are no guarantees for tomorrow. Continued love and prayers to all of those affected by Sandy.