So What! Wednesday

     

This week I'm saying So What! if...

I'm watching Starter Wives right now.  Pretty sure that officially classifies me as addicted to reality TV.  TLC owns me.  

I wear Paul's silkies to bed.  It sounds sexy.  It is not.  Not on me at least.  They are his Army green PT shorts with the built in underwear and little coin pocket that he used to wear in the Marines.  And they are ridiculously comfy.  I decided to upload this pic instead of a selfie of me in silkies.  You're welcome.

via

I set up the pack n' play.  No I'm not prematurely getting the house ready for #2.  Operation Time Out starts tomorrow and the PnP is the new naughty spot.  Following the orders of the good doctor, Harvey Karp.  He assures me I'll have the happiest toddler on the block.  Elena has been trying to rule the roost over here.  That ends tomorrow.  #gulp

I'm loving this age.  Not mine.  35 makes me feel old.  I meant Elena's.  Anyway, despite her tantrums,  she is so much fun lately. Watching her pretend play and really start to communicate is pure entertainment.  She amazes me everyday.

I did a happy dance when the mail came today because I got my Avon order.  Can't wait to try my goodies.  Thanks, Mrs. Dew!

I made the egg-less cookie dough that's floating around Pinterest and ate it by the spoonful last night.  And then was pissed that I even added the chocolate chips because they just got in the way of the buttery-brown-sugary goodness.  Next time, because THERE WILL BE a next time, no chips.  

All of my so what's are like a paragraph each.  I'm all alone at night...I need somebody to talk to.  You lucky ducks. 

I toy with the idea of secretly purchasing an at-home doppler because I'm a complete freak in between each of my appointments.  Total nervous wreck.  I may or may not have put a stethoscope to my belly on more than one occasion when I was pregnant with Elena. 

I almost cried in Trader Joe's because they were out of edamame hummus.  I'm still not over it.  

I'm excited for the Superbowl.  Not because I care about who is playing or who wins but because it means it's almost baseball season.  

Ok, ok, I'll stop.  Looking forward to hopping around and seeing what you are all {I always want to say ya'll but I feel like a poser b/c I'm not southern} So What!ing this week.  Happy Wednesday! 

     

Our Week's End: A Good One

We start our weekends early around these parts.  Kinda like in college, if I can remember back that far.  Oh wait. Yes.  Now I remember.  The good old days of drinking a Natty Lite in the shower before dressing up in my Buffalo boot cut jeans, Steve Madden clodhoppers and bulkiest J. Crew sweater.  #meow #wepartiedlikeitwas1999becauseitwas #holyshitimold

Anyway, Thursday night is when Daddy comes home from being gone all week.  That beats nickel draft night at the bar in college any day of the week.  Elena agrees. 

A great weekend for me these days doesn't require much more than husband companionship help,

toddler smiles and silliness,

puppy loving,

Friday take-out and a Sunday home-cooked meal,  

 

and of course, a family trip to Target.

Lucky for me, the end of our week had all of the above on tap.

We rounded out the weekend with a Fresh Beat Band dance party, a giant bowl of Peanut Butter Panic ice cream for Mama, and a call with our sweet niece, Ailish, who is headed home today from Boston after a major surgery. 

 

God is good, friends.  Hope you all had a fabulous weekend!

Oh Hey, Thursday!

Well look at this....I'm actually blogging during Elena's nap instead of napping, too.  Probably the first time that has happened since we got back to Ohio.  ::pats self on back::

It's a good Thursday.  Lots of thankful thoughts and I just couldn't quiet my brain enough to sleep.  So, instead, I'll ramble write.

I had some serious bad dreams last night.  Legit, waking up sweating and taking a good minute or two to figure out where the hell I was kind of dreams.  Nothing scary, just really long, drawn out dreams.  One took place in the house I grew up in.  I was having a fight with my mother.  It was awful, out of character,  and made me cry when I woke up because I felt like I had this opportunity to spend time with my mom and I f'd it up by fighting with her.

One of the other dreams was about my OB appointment.  I left Elena at the office in the stroller and forgot to ask the doctor all the questions that I had prepared.  When I realized, the office was closed.  Typical night-before-meeting-a-doctor-for-the-first-time anxiety dream.  I have the craziest, most detailed dreams ever.  So real and terrifying.

Have I made it obvious that I was really nervous about my appointment today?  This was my first time meeting my new OB and that anxiety, coupled with the general fear of "What if..." that always accompanies any of my pregnancy appointments had me feeling extra pukey this morning.  And let's not forget my little partner in crime that I travel with.  You know that crazy, yet oh so loveable toddler I talk about around here?  No mincing words here.  Mama was skeeeered to death to bring her to the doctor by myself.  I knew it was gonna be a lengthy appointment with the regular intake stuff, consult with the doctor, internal exam/Pap, and ultrasound. 

If you could have seen all the crap that I had with me. Good Lord.  I looked like a homeless person pushing around a shopping cart containing my entire life, except I was pushing around a stroller.  I was armed with toys, the Netflix set up on the phone, and snacks up the yin-yang.   She had a few feisty moments but overall was a gem and stayed strapped in the stroller the entire time without protest.  I promised her I'd take her to Graeter's to play and have ice cream if she behaved.  What?  Don't judge. 

As for meeting the doctor?  LOVE.  LOVE.  LOVE.  I am so freaking excited/happy/overjoyed at the decision I made choosing her.  I mean, seriously?  I asked her if I was going to get an ultrasound picture and she giggled and said, "I love pictures! Of course!"  And she proceeded to give me 14.  FOURTEEN pictures of my little baby.  And I do not say baby loosely.  This little nugget *REALLY* looks like a baby now!  I'm talking fingers, people.  Baby #2 was waving.  With real little fingers.

Waving!

Umbilical cord on the left & fingers/hands on the right.  Amazing.

Everything looked great.  Heartbeat was 174 bpm, which, if you go by the old wives tale, means it's a girl.  BUT.  And this is a huge BUT, we thought we may have seen an appendage of sorts between the legs.  Yes, a penis.  A freaking PENIS!  She put a little arrow pointing to it and took a picture *just in case* Baby #2 really winds up being a boy, we could say we knew it at 10 weeks.  Ah-mazing.  I'm not going all snakes and snails and puppy dog tails *quite* yet, but it's still fun.

Potential boy parts???

Actually, I will probably know the gender for certain by the end of next week, which seems just crazy to me.  Especially since I didn't know Elena was a girl until 20 weeks.  Apparently because I'm special 35 and considered Advanced Maternal Age {say whaaaaat???} there is a new blood test they do that takes the place of the Ultra Screen that is typically done between 11-13 weeks to provide risk assessment for chromosomal abnormalities like Downs Syndrome and Trisomy 18.  A simple blood test that actually is able to test the fetal blood from my blood.  It also detects the presence of Y chromosomes.  So, along with greater accuracy of detetcting any genetic disorders, it tells you the gender of the baby.  It's called the MaterniT21 test.  And it's perfect for impatient people like me.  So excited.  I go Monday and the results take about a week to come in.  Holy 11 week gender reveal.

I've made all of my future OB appointments through the end of April.  They are all on Fridays, which hopefully means no more anxiety ridden dreams from fear of bringing the toddler with me alone, since Paul is usually home on Fridays.  

I'm incredibly thankful today.  As I am most days, but especially today.  I tend to imagine the worst in between appointments, so there is nothing more gratifying than seeing that there really is this precious little miracle growing in my belly.  God is good.  And Paul comes home today.  Another reason to be incredibly thankful.

And look at that....a post is done.  My child is still asleep.  You know what that means.  I can probably squeeze in a little cat nap :)

A good day, indeed.  Happy Thursday, friends. 

Having some pancakes in the waiting room. She does not look impressed.

So What! Wednesday

This week I'm saying So What! if...

I try to come up with the perks of having my husband gone all week.  They go something like this...I love when Paul is away because I know I won't fall into the toilet when I wake to pee at every God forsaken hour of the night.  {This actually happened Sunday night.  I fell butt first in my toilet b/c *someone* didn't put the damn seat down}. 

I have recently discovered that I can put Elena's hair in pigtails and am OBSESSED with doing her hair now.  It is seriously the cutest thing ever. 

I want to be a Braverman sometimes.  It must be so fun to have such a big, close-knit family all living so close.  

I've sucked at blogging lately.  I have so much I want to share but I have no mojo to do a damn thing in my "free time" besides nap, play Scramble with friends, nap, and watch reality TV. 

None of my family or friends read this blog.  Or really know about it for that matter.  Except maybe my sister in law, but she's too busy to read these days.  I dunno why.  I guess I'm sort of embarrased, like it's narcissistic of me.  Writing all about me and expecting people to want to read it?  Am I weird?

I really need to update my blog to include a Nav bar and some other things but it's just another thing not getting checked off on my Things to Not Do Because I'm a lazy preggo sloth Do List.

I'm scared to have a boy.  I always imagined myself as a boy mom.  My first miscarriage was a boy.  I babysat TONS of boys.  I have had a boy's name forever.  But now?  After having a girl?  And knowing girls?  Boys and balls and peepees scare me!

All I want right now is cold fresh fruit like juicy oranges, crisp grapes, or sweet, drippy melon.  NONE of which I have in my fridge. 

I didn't watch the Presidential Inauguration.  For no reason really.  I just didn't .

I'm excited about actually being excited to take Elena to her tumbling class tomorrow.  She doesn't do great with structured activities but she had a blast last week!

I'm such a sap that I cried during the amusement park date on the Bachelor.  I mean, really ABC?  With those friends getting to meet and them dancing and singing the words to the song?  Too much for this pregnant lady.

I miss my NJ plates.  After living in Ohio for almost a year, we finally got OH plates.  I feel like I don't get that automatic "Ahh, she's from Jersey" pass now when I'm driving.  I told Paul I wanted vanity plates that said FROMJRSY or something equally as cheesy and obnoxious.  Kidding.  Sort of. 

That's all I got, folks....Looking forward to seeing what you are all So What!ing this week! 

9 weeks

So I intended to post this on Saturday when I was actually 9 weeks but it obviously didn't happen.  In fact, it's pretty much a miracle that it's even happening now, considering my getting-things-done-o-meter is still on empty.  But, documenting this pregnancy is important to me and keeping up with my blog is, as well, so I'm getting it done.  I've got the Bachelor on for motivation.  Nothing like a bunch of bikini clad crazies crying over beach volleyball to make you feel capable.

This week was pretty much the same as the last, with the exception that Elena and I actually left the house...which was great for our cabin fever.  I still have a cough, but overall we are both feeling so much better.  I find that if I get out and do something, breaking up the day a bit, we are both much happier.   I feel like a crappy, lazy Mom otherwise and  it's terrible.  I haven't been the best playmate for her lately so it was good to get her out of the house.  Must remember that when I feel like I have no energy to do a damn thing. 

My progesterone shots are my biggest complaint this week.  I am so grateful that I'm still taking them.  It means I'm pregnant and it's sustaining this growing life inside of me.  But for some reason, this time around, they are awful.  I can hardly walk and my lower back just sort of blends into my butt because the lumps are so big.  They don't hurt going in, it's the afterburn.  Like two dead legs but in your butt.  I've been having the nurse at my OB do them when Paul is away because I just couldn't do them myself any longer.  It's a huge waste of time but it's the only choice I've got at the moment.  My last shots are on February 2nd.  Holler.

Per the usual, I count down the days until Paul comes home.  He is such a big help when he's here.  Just someone else to play with Elena, change her diaper, fold laundry, take out the trash.  He really is a doer and doesn't stop the entire time he's home.  I'm very lucky.  I cried today when he left and I felt bad, knowing it's hard enough on him to leave us as it is.  But it's hard.  I hate goodbyes.

My belly feels a little bigger this week.  I haven't gained any weight but my pooch is sticking out a little bit more.  I can't wait until it looks like a cute baby belly and not just a spare tire sort of gut thingy.  I'm living in my leggings, yoga pants, and skinny jeans, which are nice and stretchy, so hopefully they fit a while longer.

Food is still unappealing when I think of it.  I miss craving and enjoying things like guacamole and coffee.  I've survived this week on a gross combo of veggie subs from Subway with lots of vinegar or Spagettio-o's.  With meatballs.  Cue vomiting.  I know.  This is coming from someone who was a vegetarian for 11 years and still is weird with meat. I also load it with parmeasan cheese.  Not sure but I think it makes me feel like it's less Honey Boo Boo more gourmet that way.   I've also been able to start eating ice cream this week.  High fives all around. Peanut Butter Panic, to be exact.  It's reaaaaaallll good.  Peanut butter and Jelly is still my friend, too, and I'm pretty sure mainlining OJ is in my future at the rate I'm drinking it. 

I'm excited to meet my new OB this week.  Have my first "real" appointment Thursday! 

Nursing a hangover from the Sunday Night Blues

The weekends are so hard to say goodbye to lately.

I remember as a kid, I'd get that sick feeling in my belly on Sunday night, knowing I had to wake up for school the next morning.  A whole week ahead of waking up early and nights filled with homework.  Once Monday was over and I was in the swing of things, that dreadful feeling disappeared and shelved itself.  At least until the following Sunday night.


As an adult, when I was working full time, it was no different.  After Paul and I would finish up our Sunday night shows, we'd look at each other and grimace--The Sunday Night Blues--time to saddle up for another week of work.  This sort of faded when Elena was born and I became a stay at home mom.  I wasn't worrying about deadlines, grading papers, bulletin boards, my students.  Sure I had other things to worry about, but not having to "clock in" somewhere definitely dialed down my Sunday night anxiety.

I have loved being able to be a stay at home mom.  It is something I never in a million years believed would be possible.  When Paul was offered this promotion---moving us 500+ miles from home---I told him I'd move anywhere to be able to stay home with my baby.  That was and still is the truth.

I love waking up to this sweet face everyday.  Even when I'm hating on a Monday. 

Welp, here I am.  Struggling with this Monday.  Nursing a hangover from the Sunday Night Blues.  They're sort of back.  I suppose it makes sense.  I've been in a state of constant exhaustion and sickness with this pregnancy and have just felt less that good in most aspects. I'm trying really hard not to complain, but this is my little space to be real and tell it like it is.  So to be frank, I feel like shit. 

Even though I may still feel like crap even over the weekend I have one saving grace.  His name is Paul.  Ah yes, my husband.  My husband who travels all week.  Every week.  Monday through Thursday.  So when the weekend rolls around and I know I have an extra set of hands?  Someone to share the load with?  Another adult to talk to?  I want to hold on to the weekend for dear life.  Weekends have become my salvation. Even though we aren't doing anything spectacular.  Just being together.  As a family.  That's what makes my heart feel whole.  So when Monday creeps up on me and I know I'll be left to my own devices as a tired, pukey Mama with a fiercely independent and stubborn little girl...those Sunday Night Blues rear their ugly head. 

I don't know how single moms do it.  I am essentially a single mom in some regard, right?  Monday through Thursday, at least.  And I'm "doing it" I guess, right?  My child is fed, bathed, and loved every day.  So yeah, I am doing it.  I mean, I suppose so, but it's still freaking hard.  Especially when I don't have the energy to be the Mom I want to be.  The Mom I should be for my daughter.  I know this feeling of queasy exhaustion will pass.  It will and this will seem silly.

But I don't want to wait for it to pass.  I want to stop wishing away the week just for the weekend, when I have all this precious time with my crazy toddler sweet little girl.  It's time to stop complaining and put on my big girl britches.  I decided to try and combat my Sunday Night Blues hangover by pushing through the exhaustion. This Monday, today,  I woke up before Elena, who slept until 9:00, bless her heart.  I showered, blow dried my hair, put on make-up, and even dressed in something other than yoga pants.  This is huge, people.  Huge.  I left the house with *both* of us ready at 10:00 and headed to a play date with my Meet Up group at a local Graeter's.

What a difference.  Do I still feel sick and tired?  Yup.  But, I don't feel so depressed about being sick and tired because I didn't just sit around feeling sick and tired.  Make sense?  It was great to be around other people.  Awesome to see some of the new friends I've made.  Fun for Elena to socialize for a change and burn off some energy.

I've realized that despite not wanting to do much of anything, it's necessary.  Even one outing a day.  So, I've committed to story time tomorrow at 10am, a Tumble Tots class Wednesday at 10:45, and a playdate with my playgroup Wednesday afternoon.  Thursday I'll focus on cooking and cleaning for Paul's return home and another great weekend with my family.

And how could Monday *not* be a day to look forward to now that The Bachelor is back??? 

I can't possibly be the only one who gets The Sunday Night blues, can I?  Make a girl feel better and tell me how you cope with them!

8 weeks

I wish I knew how to eliminate the shadow by my face :(

We had our 8 week ultrasound yesterday.  It's amazing to see how much you've grown in only 2 weeks, little one!  You look less like a lima bean and more like a teddy graham or gummy bear.  Daddy says you look like a boy.

What a blessing to be able to see your flickering heart and to hear it's strong beat...Music to our ears.  This appointment was strictly for an u/s, which was at the request of my RE back in NJ, since IVF mamas generally aren't released to regular OB/GYNS so soon.  Our ultrasound tech was so friendly...seems to be the trend out here in the mid-west.  I'm not complaining.   She was actually the one who suggested we take a video of the heartbeat.

I also had one of the nurses, who was equally as sweet, take a look at my backside since my injection sites are recently super sore, bruised, and even swollen.  My hypochondriac self was fearing I had an abscess or something and was going to go into septic shock.  I know, I know.  I can be a little dramatic sometimes.  I'm pretty sure giving myself the injections last week since Paul was away was the cause for my hurting hiney.  The nurse said I was more than welcome to come in every morning and have one of them administer the shot.  Seriously?  So sweet.  And considering Paul is gone Monday-Thursday, I may just take them up on that offer!

I'm feeling pretty much the same as I've felt since week 6.  Nauseous, but not terribly.  Just a queasy, nothing sounds appealing sort of upset stomach.  I've learned that if I stay on top of eating, it isn't as bad.  The only problem is finding something that sounds appetizing.  Just like with Elena, I have no desire for my once beloved morning coffee.  The thought of it actually repulses me.  Instead, I have to have a nice cold glass of OJ.  I've been surviving on carbs for the most part and anything that I used to eat as a twelve year old.  Think bagel bites, Apple Jacks, Sour Patch Kids, and Pop Tarts. I'm praying that I start craving salads or protein soon.  I gained 37 lbs with Elena, and would like to aim for 25-30lbs with this pregnancy, which is the recommendation for my BMI.  Gulp. 

Unlike my pregnancy with Elena, this time I am extremely exhausted.  Like no energy whatsoever.  Sloth.  Waste of space.  Lazy piece of shit, basically.  It's a chore to do most anything. I thank my lucky stars my child sleeps through the nighT, generally until 8:30.  I'm not dealing well with the lack of ambition and motivation.  Maybe it's having a toddler to keep up with?  I don't know.  I'm hoping that burst of energy meets up with me at the start of my 2nd trimester! At least it's the winter so I don't feel as guilty doing nothing but staying in the house and playing all day. 

Overall, I am just feeling incredibly blessed and thankful.  So grateful that this FET worked and so beyond excited that Elena is going to be a big sister.  All of our immediate family and close friends know, and of course you all...my favorite internet strangers!  We look forward to 12 weeks when we'll share our news with the rest of our extended family and friends.  Paul has been dying to tell some of his work peeps.  He is so excited.

Really excited to be able to document and share this pregnancy on my blog.  It makes me sad that I didn't do the same for Elena, but my heart and mind were a lot more fragile and fearful at that time, as I shared in this post about how we make babies.  

That's all for now.  I'll get to meet my OB for the first time on the 24th at my 10 week appointment. 
Looking forward to it...so far, I'm really liking the practice that I chose.