My first friend

I'm not gonna sugar coat the fact that living in Ohio has been tough for me.  Isolation has gotten the best of me over the past 4 months {Read:: I'm a big fat baby and I wanna go home}.  The toughest part is, undoubtedly, being away from my loved ones.  

I miss unexpected visits from my father in law.  

I miss popping over to my sister in law's  sister's house to drink a beer, order pizza, and watch the kids play. 

I miss manis and pedis with my bestie.  

I miss just knowing that at any moment, if I needed someone, they'd be there. 

Feeling sorry for myself is not my thing.  And I was kinda sickened with myself when it dawned on me. 

"You. Yeah, you.  You're feeling freaking sorry for yourself, aren't you?" 

UGH.

Can't you just picture it?  I'm looking in the mirror talking out loud to myself?  Cause I totally was.  I do that.  A lot. 

Anyway, I wanted to throat punch my reflection.  Wanted to just scream in frustration for allowing it to get this way.  Lucky for that mirror, I am not the splinters-of-broken-glass-in-my-knuckles kind of gal.  But I did loudly resolve that I was not gonna be a mope a day longer. 

Mopey is not attractive on me.  

Not long after this confrontation with my reflection, as if by some cosmic collision, I bumped into one of the first girls I met at one of those meet ups I swore I was gonna start going to all the time.  It was at the Kroger.  And it was clear that our conversation was pretty effortless.  And that we should probably hang out.  Our kids even high-fived when we parted ways. So we made plans to hang out.  Which leads me to today.  

We met at the food court and spent an hour and a half walking the mall.  We hit up Starbucks, walked some more.  Talked non-stop, so easily, barely taking note of the stores we passed.  At one point, laughing so hard I feared springing a leak on the floor #vaginalbirth #toomuchinformation #mamaneedstodosomekegels, you would have thought we were old friends.  Just the kind of friend I feared I would never find out here.  So yeah, we really hit it off.  And I came home without one purchased item, yet I was wearing something new.  A big, fat, authentic cheesy smile .  The kind of smile you have when your cheeks ache from the perma-grin that comes from laughing your ass off...With a friend. 

Ice Cream and Drapes

Starting this post without a title because I'm not quite sure where it's going.  I have a lot on my mind that I want to talk about but am feeling sort of ADD at the moment, like I'm not able to form a cohesive thought.

Maybe it's because Paul just called and asked me if I wanted Jeni's {uhm, yes please}.  So now that is all I can think about.

I love you Salty Caramel.

Ice Cream.

And this, people, *this* is why I need a lock on my refrigerator.  Or at least one of those embarrassing pig things that oinks really loud any time I attempt to shove another frozen peppermint patty in my grill get another handful of grapes.

Anyway, I had intentions of doing a weekend rundown post of sorts, but truth?  My weekend was far from exciting.  Unless watching Paul hang window treatments in E's room or trying to bargain with a 14 month old is your idea of a good time.  I think I may have promised her a pony if she would hold still why I changed her diaper.  It is like WWF in this piece. 

I'm actually really excited about the window treatments.  Elena's new room is finally looking like a pretty little baby nursery.  Since we are renting, we decided not to paint, which means we need to rely on accents and decor to perk it up...Our entire place is this drab beige - the walls and the carpet.  Sort of like melted Hagen Daaz coffee ice cream.  Which I love.  But not for all the walls and carpet in however-may-sqaure-feet this place is.  And yes, I am talking about ice cream again.  {I just inhaled a 2 heavenly scoops of Jeni's brown butter and salty caramel.  Sooooo good.}

We know who the boss is here.

 So, yeah, back to the nursery...I wanted to add some frill and flair to make it feel a little more like home.  I think the curtains really brightened it up.  Even though it's not the nursery that I planned, and painted {well, Paul & Grandpa painted,} and waited for her in while she was still in my belly, it's a good space and deserving of some fancying up.  I already feel better about it.  I plan to scour Etsy tonight for a cute wall decal to put over her crib.  Found one on Land of Nod, but seriously? $99 for a giant sticker? Yeahno.


Pics to come.

Friday's Letters

Dear Paul, Thank the sweet lord you are on your way home today.  Mama needs a break. I desperately missed you.

Dear Single mothers, I tip my hat to you.  Taking care of a little one solo is no effing joke.  I am incredibly grateful that, although I'm alone most of the week, I have a another set of hands on the weekend that help to restore my sanity and help lighten the load.

Dear Big Brother, I freaking love you.  I am so ecstatic that the remainder of my summer has you on the calendar 3 nights a week!

Dear ADT installer guy, Please, if you'd be so kind as to blow that last puff of smoke from your Marlboro outside and NOT in my foyer, that'd be greeeeeat.  Kthanks. 

Dear Old Bag of Nails, I am really excited to eat at your establishment tonight for the first time.  Do you think it'd be ridic if I ordered the beer battered pickles, spinach artichoke dip, french onion soup AND the wedge salad?

Dear Elena, I cannot believe all that you've learned in the past week.  Signing like crazy...more, all done, I love you.  You seem to comprehend everything I say.  Taking your first steps.  Saying your first word besides Dada.  Even if it wasn't Mama, I know Lola is super pumped. You completely amaze me. 

Dear TJ Maxx, I'm sorry I never gave you the time of day.  After yesterday I've learned the error of my ways.  I'll be back.  Bible. 

Dear muffin top, It. Is. OVER.  I am officially breaking up with you.  I'm sick of looking at you.  Sick of you consuming too many of my thoughts.  Sick of you photo bombing every picture of me.  It is time for you to vacate the premises. Buh Bye.

Dear body, If muscle memory really exists, could you please remember back to my 2003 body.  I'd like that one back.  Much appreciated.   


This was totally fun! If you haven't done so already, visit Ashley at Adventures of Newlyweds and Link up!

Things that get me through a Thursday

I woke up to a text from Paul yesterday am.  Simple.  3 words.  See you tomorrow (which would now be today).  Halle-freaking-lujah. 

Being without my husband for 4 nights sucks balls.  There just is no polite way to say it.  So that little text? Totally got me through the day.

I've been in a funk of sorts the past 4 days.  You know how it is; the let down after being around the people you love and that love you back.  You're all high and giddy and then the reality that you live 500+ miles from anyone who gives 2 shits comes and bitch slaps you across the face.  That, coupled with my struggle to establish a daily routine (which I need), tends to land me at the corner of Doesn't Wanna Leave the House and Eats too Much.  I've dealt with depression and anxiety before and, though I'm no where near under water, I'm definitely ankle deep in the shallow end.  

So I'd like to give a shout out to the big man upstairs for this little lady.  She makes it pretty much all better.  How could she not?  I mean, look at her. 

She is my sunshine.  She keeps me afloat.  I feel guilty even suggesting I'm depressed.  How could I be? I have so many blessings.  So much to be grateful for.  I thank God.  Every. Single. Day.  And I'm happy.  Truly. I love being a mother.  It isn't that.  It's the isolation.  Plain and simple.  I know that eventually I will love it here.  It has promise and I am starting to feel comfortble.  It just takes time.  I get that.  A lesson in patience. 

Being in a funk is also a good excuse to shop.  Because shopping, like Elena, has healing powers.  I subscribe to retail therapy.  It works for me.  Though I can't say it's always cheaper than a therapist.  

I hit up Home Goods/TJ Maxx and am so excited about my purchases.  Depression, who?
First of all, let me clarify that I never shop at TJ Maxx.  It just overwhelms me.  But I'm practing patience, so I figured, what the hell?  Holy shit balls!  I had NO idea what I was missing...consider me a freakin Maxinista, my friends.  Who knew they carried such swoon-worthy designers?! I'm talking Nanette Lepore, Tory Burch, Cynthia Rowley, Vince Camuto, Joes, Bailey 44.  And on.  And on.

I give you Exhibits A & B:

Patterson J. Kinkaide top.  Perfect mix of flirty, fun, and casual all in one.  Love the contrast of the heather gray back.

These bad boys deserve a post all their own.  Paige Denim are my favorite brand of jeans.  They are the best fit and are so comfy.  These white denim capris were only $60!

I also scored two pieces for the casa, as well.  I picked up a pretty light blue bowl for the dining table for a five spot and an awesome ceramic jar to stash my K cups in for only twelve bucks.

I am obsessed with teal and yellow together....those are some new place mats I picked up last week at my home away from home.  Target, of course.

"Take me home....I'm the perfect hideout for your K cups," said the pretty ceramic canister. 

A simple text + lovins from my girl + retail therapy = not so bad a Thursday after all.   And obvi, Big Brother Premier!  Boom!

So What! Wednesday Link-Up

This week I'm saying so what if...

I can't contain my excitement for the return of Big Brother.  One word- OBSESSED. Two words- No Shame.

I eat my Greek yogurt with a baby spoon.  Have you seen how freakishly small the fruit compartment thingy is?  I want every last ounce of that fruity goodness in mah belly. 

Re-writing my list of things to do includes the things I've already done, just so I can get the high satisfaction of crossing it off.

I'm So-Whating (that's totally a verb, right?) instead of folding laundry or packing lunch for the pool.

I have to restrain myself from throat punching the next Judger-ella  that asks me if I'm still breastfeeding my child.  Public Service Announcement all you asshats inquiring minds...YES.  I still nurse my child.  YES.  She has teeth and NO they do not hurt.  YES we both enjoy it and NO I am not a crunchy feminist, nor am I trying to satisfy any selfish needs of my own by continuing to nurse her past a year.  When will we stop?  When we're good and ready.  Why the hell do you care so damn much anyway???

I am addicted to edamame hummus from Trader Joe's.  It's good for me.  Well, maybe not the whole tub in two sittings, but still.  It's better than chocolate frosting, no?

I cried when Emily gave Sean the boot Monday night.  He was a hottie with a body.  Shame.

I ate my weight in Peppermint Patties while we were in NJ.

I'm secretly saddies that none of my friends or family have done anything but "talk" about coming to visit us in Ohio.  Get that shit on the calendar people.

What are you saying So What! to this week?  

Bed, sweet bed

  I have a new appreciation for the little slice of pillow top heaven also known as my bed. 10 nights of shacking up in your Mother-in-law's boudoir will do that to a girl.  Yes, my MIL insisted that we sleep in her air conditioned room while she spent her nights in Paul's bedroom.  In a twin bed.  With no air conditioning.  During a heatwave.  So as happy as I was to get back to my bed, I'm pretty sure my MIL was even happier. 

My bed is seriously effing up my program, however.  I have 2 loads of laundry to fold, a shower to take, dishes to put away, and ice cream in the freezer that NEEDS me to eat it,  but I just. can't move. 

This hotbox on my lap is not helping matters.  Note overflowing laundry basket in background.

Well now there's really no hope of me leaving my bed...I just realized that NY Med premiers in T minus 2 minutes.  That's right, my reality TV addiction does not discriminate, people. I watch it all- the trashy and  the informative.  The smarts I get from this show will certianly cancel out the brain cells I'll lose as my devotional to Big Brother begins on Thursday.  Holler!

So, needless to say,  my serious intentions of uploading my pics and posting about our Jersey trip are on hold.  At least until my bed is ready to release me from its death grip #dontholdyourbreath. 

Home

via

We got back from our NJ trip yesterday.  Felt good to be home-home.  Family.  Hugs.  Nights out with friends.  Mani/Pedi. Pork Roll, Egg & Cheese sammies.  Dunkin iced coffees every. single. day.  Peeing in private.  Visiting the cemetery. Home cooked meals.  Driving without GPS.  Real pizza {it's called pizza PIE for a reason, people! Ohio pizza is cut in squares. What the eff is up with that?!} Bachelorette with my bestie.  Play dates.  I could go on and on.  You get the picture, yes? All of this goodness and then some.  Filled me up.  To the brim. 

But, BUT, it kinda-sorta felt really good to pull into our driveway in our new home.  Our Ohio home.  Maybe this place is growing on me.  Just a smidgen.

Pics and trip low-down to come....For now, I'm off to continue my Bachelorette text fest with the bestie.