Once Upon a Dime

At the Mercy of a 2 year old

At the risk of beating a dead horse, I'm talking about toddler drama. Again.

Today was another one for the books. Elena is two months shy of her second birthday and I think it's safe to say that we are strapped in tight, white knuckle grip and all, on the roller coaster that is the Terrible Twos.

God help me. No, seriously. God, I know you've got greater prayers to answer, but if you could send a little sanity, a lot of patience, and a dose of reassurance that I'm not the worst mom in the world, that'd be great. This conveniently comes at a time when I cannot drink or medicate myself. Awesome.

I'll spare you the gory details, because honestly? I'm exhausted and it would take too damn long to recount the days' events. In a nutshell, let's just say that every. single. thing. in our daily routine has become a production. Diaper changes, getting dressed, meals {don't even get me started on meals, that's a post for another day}, going shopping, getting in and out of the car seat, sitting in the stroller, sitting in her highchair, brushing her teeth, which bib she wears. I'm pretty confident if she were talking in sentences she'd tell me she hates me.

Perhaps I'm being the slightest bit dramatic. Not every moment is a struggle. And of course I know she loves me. She plops herself down nicely on my lap to get her shoes on and she she loves to sit quietly and draw. She dances and twirls around to the "ewebic" {that would be music}on my phone, and gives me kisses randomly and always when I ask. She loves to laugh at the dog and walk around with a phone pretending to talk to Daddy. She says "sahjee" {sorry} with the sweetest little pouty lip when I get her from Time Out and thinks it's hysterical to pretend to tickle herself. She is all of this, more, and then some.

It helps to write this after such a long day. To process it, acknowledge it as normal toddler behavior, and focus on the highlights of our day. Because in between the blood curdling screams and defiant, sassy "nopes", there are many, many highlights.

And always, always, I can count on these at the end of even the roughest days. Snuggles and lovins from my favorite girl.

Oh hey. You must be the terrible twos.

My child sleeps. Soundly and like the dead. And since daylight savings time, we've had wake-ups at 9:45, and 10:45. I thought I had a toddler, not a teenager.

Speaking of teenagers, for a hot second today I would have rather been dealing with the "I hate yous" of teenage angst than the tantrums of the terrible twos. Grass is greener, I know. I know.

Seriously? Totally giving me the stink eye.

It was a day and a half around this house and tonight finds me feeling defeated. It's not the first time. And I know, trust me, I know--- it isn't the last. Whoever tries to make motherhood look all easy and we bake cookies all day and do educational Pinterest rainy day crafts until the cows come home is full of it. It isn't easy and I have no shame in admitting it.

Do we have days like that? The cookie baking crafty kind? Sure. But no day is perfect and lately all seem to be infused with mass amounts of toddler drama and crazies.

For the love, I am a child development major. I haven known about the terrible twos and all the shit that goes with them long before becoming a mother. No amount of schooling or babysitting could have prepared me for being deep in the trenches with my own child. Basically as a single mother. When Paul is home? What a difference. She is so much more manageable and pleasant. Like that doesn't make me feel like a terd. Like it's all me. Womp womp.

Don't get me wrong. Elena is my best friend. She is funny, loveable, affectionate, engaging, silly, smart...I am obsessed with her and miss her the second she falls asleep. We have a million wonderful moments in a given day. Moments where I stand in awe of this amazing creature God has blessed me with. So many more wonderfully awesome moments than the ones that have me ranting tonight.

Sparkles and unicorns right there, people. Makes it all worth it.

But those ugly moments need to be documented, too. Motherhood isn't all sparkles and unicorns. It's slaps across the face from your kid in Trader Joe's because she doesn't want you to have your hands on the grocery cart. It's that sassy "nope" when you ask her to do something routine. It's that red face of embarrassment you get when your adorable spawn is the only one in gymnastics that wants no part of the parachute and lets everyone within a ten mile radius know it with her screams. All of it and then some.

But you know what? I'll take it. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm hoping for sparkles and unicorns, but will navigate the tantrums and crazies, come as they will. No doubt.

Bump update: Weeks 13-16

I promised myself I wouldn't slack when it came to documenting this pregnancy. Despite feeling disconnected from writing lately {due in large part to ridiculous headaches I've been having} I've still kept up with my weekly bump pics and updates. Finally getting around to posting them here.

Buh bye first tri, hello birfdays and barf.

The end of February came, went, and somehow turned into March. Seems impossible. Wasn't it just the start of the New Year?

We've been busy around here, which I'm grateful for, since busy means that I'm actually participating in the human race. Thank you, second trimester.

I've resumed cooking dinner on the regular. I actually put away the folded laundry instead of letting it sit in the basket. I even brush my teeth as soon as I wake up. And, most importantly, I've fired the trifecta of babysitters that were Sprout, Nick Jr., and Disney Channel. Or "TeeTee" as we say in this house {TV}. Yes, there were some days it was all I could do to just lay on the couch and watch my girl play. I'm so glad those days are in my rear view, although she still brings me the remote control when the TV is off.

The end of February also brought Paul's birthday. He turned 36, which means we've officially spent half of our lives together. Talk about time flying. 18 years. Wow. Elena and I baked our first cake together. She was such a great helper and loved sitting on the counter pouring in all of the ingredients.

Signing Daddy's card.


Happy Birthday, Daddy

I wish I could say we ended the month on a high note. No. Elena came down with a stomach bug the day after Paul's birthday and threw up for the first time. Oh. My. God. It's something I knew was bound to happen, but it doesn't mean I was prepared. All I can say is thank GOD Paul was home. It's not the actual puke I mind. It's seeing her sick and helpless and scared. Having him home made us both feel better. I will say that girlfriend made it nice and easy---she only projectile vomited in the kitchen and on me. Honestly, I think I was more traumatized than her. Poor thing.

When she woke up that morning I could tell she had a tummy ache. She had an explosive poop the day before and the morning of she was super clingy and needy. She wouldn't eat breakfast, wouldn't drink her milk and kept lifting her PJ top and making a sad face as if she was saying, "Mommy, my belly hurts." I had a feeling in the back of my mind she might puke. At about noon, she walked into the kitchen, where I was, and projectile puked 3 times. I was so scared because I could tell she was scared. I was screaming for Paul, who was locked in the master bath on a work call. I'll spare you the pictures, because YES, there were pictures. While I was still drenched in puke Paul decided to bust out the DSLR to start documenting her first puke. All the while Lola was licking it up off of the floor. I can't make this shit up. She never puked again, thank goodness, but it took a good 2 days to get her back to herself. Boy, I'm glad she's back.

And I'm glad I'm back. Back to feeling like me again. March is gonna be a good one.

A weekend of the Best kind

A weekend home full of everything I needed- family, friends, food, and of course a mani/pedi. The best kind.

I'll let the pictures do {most of} the talking.

We left well before the sun came up on Thursday. A few hours into our drive the sun came up and the day greeted us with snow capped hills and trees.

It was like driving through an Ansel Adams calendar. Beautiful and peaceful. We only stopped once, made record time {under 10 hours}, and my little miss only slept 40 minutes. Good thing she tolerates the car well. She was excellent the entire trip. We can only hope this next little lady enjoys our road trips as much as her sister!

We arrived to Valentine goodies from Gma and Gpa...A Minnie Mouse shirt. Girlfriend is totally obsessed with "Mimmie" and seriously has wanted to wear this shirt every. single. day. since. Thursday.

After putting on her new shirt, she made some snowballs with Daddy.

After a long trip and little sleep, we got to fill our tummies with some of Gma's yummy home cooking. Somebody loved the corn on the cob!

We had some Grandpa and Grandma snuggles and then we all hit the sack!

Friday we woke up the way everyone wakes up when staying with the grandparents, I'm sure...Donuts for breakfast! Someone was clearly happy.

Donuts for breakfast make me happy, too. But if you wanna know what makes me *REALLY* happy, just look at the picture below. This is my happy place. Mani/Pedi=Heaven.

Wanna know what else makes me happy? A night out with my handsome husband. We were fortunate enough to get out to one of our favorite local places for some drinks {that would be a Shirley Temple for this girl} and some friends. My very bestest friend, Katie and one of our other best friend couples came out to meet us. It was such a nice night.

We've shared half our lives together. 18 years. Damn, I love this kid.

Saturday we had such a FUN morning. Our niece Ailish recently had a major surgery and we couldn't wait to get home to spoil her. Paul was super excited and had told her we were going to take her shopping at her favorite store when we came home. Boy did he deliver. Paul's brother and our sister-in-law, along with our niece & nephew and my mother in law, all came along for the shopping spree. She had so much fun and the smile on her face was absolutely priceless. We made Justice our bitch.

We had lots of cousin loving this weekend and Elena was blessed to see ALL eight of hers!

Saturday night we went to my Aunt's house and had a really nice dinner with my Aunt and Uncle and my sister and the kids. The kids had so much fun playing together. We had a cake for my Uncle and Paul to celebrate their upcoming birthdays. That cake may have been the best thing that's ever happened to me. Seriously. It was that good.

Sunday we went to visit our dear friends who just welcomed baby girl #4! There is nothing like snuggling up with a new babe. That smell! I can't believe I get to do it all over again. So excited. Elena was surprisingly so good. When Paul was holding sweet Sophia, Elena brought over a little pretend bottle to give to the baby. I died. She didn't get jealous when I was holding her either. Here's to hoping she reacts the same when August rolls around.

We ended the weekend with Sunday dinner with my in laws and a birthday party for Paul. My father in law made my favorite...Puttanesca sauce and stuffed artichokes. That may just be my death row meal. Add that chocolate cake for dessert and it's a done deal.

Seriously with her blowing out the candles? I can't.

And her are just a few of some of the delicious things that filled my belly. Yes, friends, that is a REAL pizza. Jersey style. It was damn good.

We relaxed the rest of Sunday night and went to bed early. 4 am comes really quick! A great weekend with great company and great food. The best kind.

Spread the Love Valentine's Swap

Hey, hey friends! Today I'm linking up with Megan and Erin to show off the AMAZE goodies that I received from my swap buddy, Jen. If you aren't already a follower of Jen's, you should probably remedy that ASAP. Especially if you love to read about Adventures in Mommyhood, like I do.

Ok, so, Miss Jen. Well, first things first...She completely, utterly, and totally spoiled me. I know the name of this link-up was Spread the Love and all, but DAYYUM. Girlfriend did more than spread the love.

She claims to be a Stay at Home Mom but I think she's definitely moonlighting with the CIA or as a Private Eye or something. I mean HOW ELSE COULD THIS INTERNET STRANGER KNOW ME SO WELL??!! I'm not asking any questions because I couldn't be happier with all of my Spread the Love Loot! Check it out for youselves...

Did girlfriend deliver, or what??? This girl is a rule breaker, people. Clearly there is way more than $15 worth of Valentine's goodness up there. But, like I said, I'm not asking any questions.

I am the HUGEST fan of snail mail. If you asked me to list 5 things that give me an instant smile, getting mail would certainly rank. When I opened the mailbox and saw the festively adorable pink polka dot package, well, it was all over. Permagrin. She even wrapped my goodies all pretty and nice.

What I love, love, love is that she took the time to choose some things for Elena. What are two of Elena's favorite things, you ask?? Uh, Elmo, of course...and books. So naturally, the Elmo book was a huge hit. And the monkey socks. Could you die? Now, they are a little big, which sweet Jen warned me about, but all I'm thinking is Hmmmm, I wonder if I could squeeze my feet in these bad boys. I love festive socks and I wore mine today. If you follow me on IG you can see for yourselves.

I've eaten my weight in Starburst and Sour Patch Kids this pregnancy, so I'm happy to do my part and keep feeding my habit. Thankfully Jen is keeping me accountable with the sweets she included. And, if you know me at all, you would know that I could mainline decaf iced caramel macchiatos from Sbux. They are my crack. So again, thank you Jen for supporting my habit. Mama is a happy girl with this little gift card tucked inside her wallet!

Disclaimer...I'm not being dramatic when I say all of these things are my favorites. Honest to God. This girl is good.

Did you know I rarely wear lip gloss and I NEVER wear lipstick? Hmm, it seems Jen knew. Because what I DO wear is chappy, my friends. Chappy. Or what you normal people might call Chapstick/Lip Balm. And this little ball of yum is one I have never tried. Until now. Not only is it fun but it's smooth and fruity and I'm loving it!!! Next time you're waiting on line at Target and you're sizing up that little ironic ball of balm {because I SO did this. More than once} do not hesitate. Throw it in your shopping cart, girls. DO IT. You will not regret it.

Now this is where I'm wondering if I'm living my own version of the Truman Show. Remember that creepy movie with Jim Carey where everyone watches his life like a TV show? Anyway, how Jen knew that I have, at all times, a magnetic pad IDENTICAL to this one stuck to my fridge to facilitate my OCD list writing tendencies, well, I have NO idea. But she knew. And this awesome chevron print pad is way cuter than the lame green one I've got now. Yea!

As if all this wasn't enough, she's concerned about my hydration. So sweet, right? Staying hydrated while being preg is important. She would know, because she's preg, too! Yay. Anyway, now she's given me a fun way to enjoy my water with this flavored water enhancer. Haven't tried this yet, but am looking forward to it!

What I wish I got a picture of was Elena walking around with the note from Jen and that pretty polka dot mailer all these fab goodies came in. She walks around with them and loves to put the letter back in the envelope and put her magnets and blocks inside the mailer. She actually cried Monday night when I had to pry them out of her hands to get in the tub. It doesn't take much to make my girl happy.

I would be remiss if I didn't take a minute to thank not only Jen for her thoughtfulness and generosity, but the hosts of this swap---Megan & Erin. This was my first swap and I was hesitant. But I am so, so glad that I went for it and decided to sign up. Not only did I get to cross blog paths with Jen, but also with my Swap partner, the lovely beauty Ashely at It Is What You Make It. I had a ball shopping for her and am so glad to have had the opportunity to find her amazing little corner of the blog world.

Now, I can't wait to get hopping and see what all of you ladies got spoiled with this Valentine's Day! Looking forward to making some more new blog buddies.

Letting the World Know

Most of my immediate family and close friends know I'm pregnant again. The ones who know our struggles with infertility and loss. The ones who have been our biggest cheerleaders and greatest supporters.

I wasn't sure how I felt about doing a big Facebook reveal to let every other Tom, Dick, and Harry know, but ultimately I decided I definitely wanted to share this exciting time with friends and extended family. Facebook is good for mass sharing. I'm sure you've heard.

When I was pregnant with Elena I don't think I posted one belly shot. In fact, I know I didn't. Maybe a tagged photo from my baby shower made it on my timeline. I never updated my status with how many times I peed the night before or to share the current state of my vulvar varicosity. I dare you to google that one. I am not one to complain in general, but I never would even dream of posting my pregnancy woes for others to eye roll. 'Cause that's what I do if you FB complain. Especially about pregnancy. I'm aware that I'm hypersensitive because all that I've gone through. Even still, my threshold for public complaining on FB is very, very low. We've all got problems. And I guarantee someone is begging for yours. I digress.

I actually felt bad posting about my pregnancy with Elena. Felt bad because several close and dear friends, whom I knew would see my updates, were struggling with loss, infertility, adoption difficulties and the like. I knew how it crushed my heart just a little bit each time I saw someone post SURPRISE! We're PREGNANT. I hated being that girl. But sometimes I was.

After I had Elena, I realized I had been a little bit foolish in my thinking. Sparing others feelings, while considerate of me, I suppose, sort of took away from my own glorious hallelujah I'm the freaking one that's finally pregnant moments. I have always had a tendency to put others' feelings before my own. This case was no exception. Not that I would ever be one to gloat or attention whore myself to the point you'd want to block my updates {jeez, I hope that's not me}.

In any case, I decided this time? This time I'm sharing it. I'm making it Facebook official. This exciting and miraculous time. My first little miracle is becoming a big sister. My body is carrying another babe. I am doubly blessed.

If by chance, you are that girl, like I was, with a hurting heart, I implore you....Don't let it break your spirit if your miracle hasn't happened yet. Instead, let it serve to remind you to always believe and hope for what your heart desires. Miracles DO happen. My heart will be praying for *YOUR* miracle.

I did a photo shoot Monday in hopes of capturing a picture to use as our FB announcement. My subject was less than cooperative for what I had in mind, but was adorable nonetheless doing her own thing. Here are some of my favorite photos. She kills me, this kid.